Top 93 Reasons Why Anthony Carmine Is God
by Warrior of the Shadows
Summary: The title says all


Carmine doesn't need identity theft insurance, for he has no identity.

Carmine can form a bulletproof shield around him, akin to General RAAM's kryll shield, except with women. This does not occur in-game because Anya is the only female the COG squad meets.

Carmine played drums for Spinal Tap.

Carmine is the only person to have ever met the legendary Bevanosaurus and lived to tell the tale.

As the only straight, male character in Gears of War, Carmine took it upon himself to keep Anya, the only woman in Gears of War, from dying of boredom.

Carmine is both the son of God and God himself, therefore, creating a paradox that only Carmine himself can solve.

Carmine said he had nightmares about the Locust when he was a kid (which he never was) just so he could get that pussy, Dom, to admit he still does. Pussy.

Before Carmine played drums for Spinal Tap, he spent 5 seconds of his life training Neil Peart.

Carmine was banned from the Halo world after trying to stunt with a Warthog.

Carmine is two of the Four Horsemen of the apocalypse.

He plays bench for the other two.

Carmine once simply walked into Mordor, despite Boromir warning him beforehand.

Carmine speaks entirely in internet shorthand. The campaign subtitles are translated.

Carmine is also known as the only person having survived Voldemort's Killing Curse, and immediately pimp-slapping the noseless dickhole.

Carmine is the fourth Sannin.

Carmine has been rumored to harbor a deep fear of ninjas; however, this is merely a rumor created by Carmine himself to goad more ninjas to fight him, akin to Chuck Norris' pirate thing.

Carmine counted to infinity, twice.

Carmine has the ability to imagine and create colors which we, as humans, cannot possibly fathom.

Carmine, and Carmine alone, knows where Waldo is at all times and places.

Carmine is the sole protector of the key to Eden. He is known to keep the key in his pants which, as we all know, cannot be invaded by anyone. Should his pants ever be lowered below knee-length, all females throughout time and space would instantly become pregnant.

Carmine was once so pissed at the world for believing in a fake God (see Jesus) that he created the most diabolical device ever known. Today, it is best known as "taxes".

Carmine, when playing Call of Duty, instantly spawns with 15 attack dogs and 3 helicopters, regardless of the time period.

Carmine was an original member of the Four Seraphim back when they were named Earth Wind and Fire, but left due to creative differences with the almighty Disco King.

Carmine is the only man ever to pity Mr. T.

Carmine has been killing Grues since the age of two.

Carmine invented reality.

Carmine is 5 of the 12 members of the Jedi Council.

Carmine gets laid approximately every 5.02 seconds.

Carmine managed to stop the bloody feud between Gordon Freeman and Master Chief for a total of twelve minutes by sitting them down for a peace eclair before re-igniting the rivalry for his amusement.

Carmine has caught all 493 Pokémon from all four generations, and has henceforth completed his Pokédex.

Carmine has had the "Kick the Bucket" achievement since the dawn of time.

Carmine Kills it With Fire.

Contrary to popular belief, Carmine was indeed expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

Carmine does recreational arm-wrestling with Cthulhu.

Carmine also arm-wrestled with Chuck Norris. He succeeded in permanently incapacitating Chuck's arm, causing the man to spend the rest of his life practicing roundhouse kicks.

Carmine is Michael Collins. He shot himself in the back at beal na mbla to get out of jury duty.

Carmine was three of the final five Cylon models.

The reason Carmine is the only Delta who wears a mask is because if someone makes eye contact with him, then they will instantly die. The fact that he doesn't use this power against the Locust makes him a better god than you or I.

Carmine is the leader of "The Faceless Videogame-Character Brigade".

Carmine passed the role of "Ash" from Evil Dead to his good friend, Bruce Campbell.

Carmine is a hero among the ill-fated Red Shirts.

Carmine can command all the elements.

Carmine's helmet is equipped with a volume control for his voice; for, if Carmine were to be heard without the volume turned down to one (out of eleven, of course), the fabric of reality would be torn open and cause millions to die.

Carmine keeps the skulls of every opponent he has ever slain as trophies. The planet he created out of the mass of skulls he's obtained was dubbed "Carmine's Happy Funtime World of Death," and inspired the Predator race to hunt for skulls in honor of the immortal god, Carmine.

Carmine is personally responsible for 99.8% of all race extinctions.

Carmine is credited with bringing sexy back.

Carmine is noted for being 4 of the 3 wise men. What appears to be a mathematical fallacy actually takes into account the fact that Carmine was also Jesus.

Carmine has slept with every female in the "Hot Babes You Don't Have A Chance With" Category. Lucky for us, they all survived the 10 percent chance of survival.

Carmine can believe that it's not butter.

Carmine has the power to perform a Fatality instantly on anyone whom he challenges to Mortal Kombat. It should also be noted that Scorpion's TOASTY Fatality was inspired by Carmine's ability to cause massive destruction by revealing his face.

Due to the fact that Kabal from Mortal Kombat was able to kill kombatants by revealing his face, some people believe he is actually Carmine in disguise. This is very untrue, as no one is even capable of describing what his visage looks like. In fact, if anyone even attempts to create an image of Carmine's face, devout Red Shirts would begin suicide bombings and massive revolts in response.

Dividing by zero has no affect on Carmine.

Carmine is the only being to have won the game — you, however, have just lost.

Carmine took the cookie from the cookie jar.

Carmine achieved 200% on "Through the Fire and Flames" on Expert level before even starting to play.

Carmine is the only person ever to get a headshot with the Hammer of Dawn while also killing every other player in the match (including his own team) with the Boomshot upside down.

Carmine built his first personal super computer at the age of two.

Carmine, due to rising popularity, signed a deal with Fox to star in his own show, "Everybody Loves and/or Highly Respects Carmine". The show was extremely popular and ran for ten seasons, but came to a bitter, horrific end after the studio-live episode 506. One of the characters, as was stated in his script, was told to pull off Carmine's helmet as part of a practical joke. Carmine didn't know, due to the fact that he only does improv acting. Exactly 30,127,506,012 lifeforms were watching when the helmet was removed. 30,127,506,009 beings died horrifically after. The only survivors were Bruce Campbell, Deadpool and Scorpion, all of whom are immune to death. Nothing was stated from the survivors as to what Carmine looked like, but Deadpool did state shortly thereafter: "I have that same scar on my lower back!". This is all we know of Carmine's features.

After getting shot in the head in Gears 1, Carmine went on a killing frenzy, annihilating everything and anything, including himself, until he eventually got the seriously 2.0 achievement before the Gears 2 release date, proving the only person who can kill Carmine is Carmine, himself.

Carmine owns several different breeds of Polar Bears, all of which he has trained in the art of kickboxing.

Carmine invented the most pleasurable kind of sex known to both man and woman. Unfortunately, it is so complex that only Carmine can preform the act without seriously injuring, or killing, his partner.

When Carmine sleeps with women they don't want more.....they _need_ more.

Carmine, at any given time, has twelve women in his COG armor.

Carmine is credited in some nations for authoring the Bible.

Carmine is credited with the invention of command prompt.

Carmine is able to get away with rape because the unsuspecting women always end up enjoying the experience.

Carmine just made you his bitch.

Carmine let the dogs out.

Carmine is THE only thing that can survive a nuclear blast, because cockroaches cannot survive Carmine.

Carmine is incapable of love; however, he can show his affection for something by refraining from killing it.

Carmine used the follow expression on a guard in Fable 2, and it worked.

Carmine _was_ the Manhattan Project.

Carmine _is_ nuclear fusion.

Carmine created all languages in the beginning, except for internet jargon, which was created in 1994. This occurred when Carmine was receiving a billion year haircut. A lock of hair fell to the Earth and an unsuspecting human would use it to connect to a network that would link all computers in the world together.

Carmine is the only known being to have legally downloaded from Limewire.

Carmine created the last cell in an Excel workbook. Only he knows what it is.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Carmine? None, as the woodchuck would instantly be killed upon the sight of him.

Carmine's power levels are over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!

Carmine used to live in SPARTAAAAAAAAA!!!!

More powerful than a locomotive, faster than the speed of light and can scale the empire state building - _these are all Carmine's warmups._

Carmine can slam revolving doors.

Carmine made the Grim Reaper his personal slave, and, therefore, does not fear the reaper.

Carmine is the only person to have fought Chuck Norris and won.

Carmine is the cause of every single historical mystery.

Carmine is The Stig.

Carmine back-flipped a monster truck.

Carmine knows the last number in pi.

Carmine once shat himself....This resulted in the big bang theory.

Carmine made the moonwalk famous.

Carmine can speak more languages than C-3PO.

Carmine is a super-dimensional being, completely unrestrained by the laws of physics, which explains his ability to have done every badass thing imaginable (and unimaginable) throughout every stream of time and space, both probable and improbable.

Carmine can divide anything in to seven even pieces.

Carmine Defeated The Bat with the magnet on Adventure 2600.


End file.
